numero uno!

It has been quite a while since I have called myself a "blogger". I was into xanga and livejournal years ago, but found myself too busy for it or something.

I'm not exactly sure why people blog. I mean...I keep a journal that no one sees, and I occasionally write things that you might possibly catagorize as "my thoughts" on myspace and facebook. I guess when people have public view of what I'm saying, I don't really know who I'm writing for. I suppose it would be easier to lay some background...for me, for whoever...

I am currently writing from the computer room in my parents hosue. Months ago it was covered in paintings and flyers for concerts that I had gone to. It was a pastel "pink" color that I despised but had grown neutral to, being that I had spent every night (give or take...) sleeping in this same room. Now the room is the same...pastel style of color it was before...but now it is green. Both colors are far too "easter" for me. In any case, its not usually my choice for retreat. Except now, that everyone else in my family is asleep and there is no one being publicly annoyed about anything - it is quiet, almost?

I live in my parent's basement. I have 2 huge book shelves as one of my walls, and a shower curtain for a door. Its "ghetto" but it definitely has character. If nothing else, it serves as a place for my books, my paintings, my sewing machine, my bed, and my clothes. It'll do for now, or until I can make rent somewhere else. The only thing that is legitamitely bothersome is how musty it is. It makes the air heavy and cool...and hard to breathe which means I usually wake up with a sore throat.

I'm just doing the "job hunt" thing right now. I really feel like I am supposed to work full time at a coffee shop, so I'm just...waiting more or less until some place is actually "hiring". In the next week or so, if I still don't have any possibilities lined up, I'll just settle for working yet another dead end job that I'll work crappy hours for, under immature and unplease-able managers while serving needy customers with bad attitudes and making barely enough money to buy ramen with. I sound like such a negative nancy, I know. I just think having a job that you can actually enjoy is so important. Or at least a job where your skills are needed and utilized.

The reason I don't have a job though, is because I just moved back home. In May I went out west, and worked at a lodging facility inbetween Yellowstone and Grand Teton National Park (in Wyoming). Living in the mountains was definitely an experience. I love being out "in nature" and using a brook's water to brush my teeth, showering buck naked in the wilderness, and being more afraid of a bear finding me than a man, and seeing buffalo grazing in feilds of wildflowers on my daily run...but I also love music venues and cell phone reception. Not that it matters now, anyway, because I owe T Mobile money...and my phone won't work until I pay them. Whoops.

It seems to be a trend in my life that every time I am away, I am just homesick. And every time I'm home, I just want to run away. I think it might be a "control" thing, but I'm not sure. The song that I have had repeating in my circumstance though, plays a tune to which I am longing to sing along to...

All I need is You, Lord.
Is You Lord.
All I need is You.

You hold the universe.
You hold every one on earth.

I have learned that my God is a provider. He is a healer. He is a redeemer.

I am wandering yet again, in this dull routine, but my God, he sees me.